The Beginning of This.
Jun. 13th, 2011 12:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
museworksSo, I was told I should keep a journal. I'm of two minds about this; on one hand, it can help get things out of my head and onto parchment, I suppose, and thus help me organize my thoughts better. Maybe even realize some are silly and some are to be considered further. On the other hand, I'm not overly fond of the idea of my thoughts being out there for any to read should this be lost or stolen. I know there are some who might want to do so. But I suppose…as long as I keep this on me, and am sure to only write in soft-bound books that are a bit more bendable (and thus can be kept in my armor for safekeeping when traveling), I suppose it could work. I suppose I'm paranoid, but I've come to be rather fond of my way of life. The Tauren seer lady, the one who trains the 'priests' of her kind, is who recommended this idea to me, and suggested I start off by just writing about myself. Almost like a biography. She said it would help me 'see myself more clearly' or some such. I suppose if I come to consider this a bad idea I can just burn it.
I am the only daughter of Lord Rhodri and Lady Vanosa Goldenstar of Quel'thalas, sister of the Blood Knight Chesric Goldenstar, and wife of Lord Jovan Redbrook, a Blood Knight like my brother. I was born in Silvermoon City, I was raised there, and I was married there.
I am, when all's said and done, not outstanding to see. I've never been plain, mind you, but I've always been of a rather conventional prettiness, if a touch closer to 'stocky' than 'slender'. My hair is nice, though, such a lovely pale gold that gets streaks of near-white when I've been out in the sun without a helm a lot (which does happen in places like Durotar). Almost a shame I have to keep it cut for the sake of combat; I can't bring myself to cut it mannishly short, so it remains shoulder-length, long enough to pull back and put under a helm, with neatly-trimmed fringe at my brow. I am a couple of inches shorter than women tend to be, among my people, and a bit wider in build. I have always excelled in physical activity like sports and combat. I have had but few romantic attachments, and I would not include my marriage in that as there was nothing romantic involved there. Jovan had higher social standing than my family; my family had more gold than he. It was an arrangement of economic and social convenience.
I suppose it was a bit of a blow to the ego for him when I left-- no, ran away. If I'm going to be truthful, I should call it like it is: I ran away from the marriage. It was highly unpleasant, and to an extent still is as I can no longer return to Silvermoon City without being on my guard every second I'm there. Even in other Horde capitals I must maintain a certain watchfulness, and I prefer to keep to places where I can somewhat trust those behind my back. (As amusing as goblins can be, I prefer to avoid their settlements for this reason.) I know that, in running, my darling husband lost a good deal of 'face' as some may say. My brother-- with whom I still keep in touch as I can-- has told me as much. Jovan has apparently tried to twist it about into my own failing, but there are few things the nobility loves more than delicious, malicious gossip about one of their own. It was no secret that he needed our money, just as whispers were made about my parents and their social climbing. Now there are whispers about him being a cuckold (as if any of those whispering were truly faithful to their spouses or betrothed), about being too weak to control his wife, all sorts of unpleasantries.
I imagine the implication of weakness would get to him more than anything; he loved-- loves, I should say, for creatures like Jovan do not die as they should-- power. He loves to control everything around him, which galled him as a Knight because I know he was middling at best, there. At the time his combat skills exceeded mine, as did his strength, but now I know he was absolutely mediocre, and any promotions he had were through nepotism and bribery. I suffered as a result of his feelings of impotence where Knighthood was concerned. I know if he were to face me in direct combat now I'd have his head rolling before he could draw two breaths, but he wouldn't do so, I know-- he would employ an assassin if he felt I were hunting him. Perhaps I should, but it might still endanger any future chance I have to live in Silvermoon City again. I hate that he still has that power.
Of all those things whispered, though, one thing he has yet to actually be is a cuckold-- I have better things to do with my time than pursue love or even lust, especially with the potential unpleasant entanglement-- but that's generally the easiest rumor to spread. Still. It was an unpleasant marriage, in various ways, and I certainly rankled under the sudden forbidding from continuing my combat training, which was the least of it. "A lady doesn't do such things." It's as if those like Lady Liadrin never existed-- or perhaps to some she's an anomaly, or an upstart granted her title only because of the Blood Knight order. I don't know; I don't rely on the Light to help me do my work, I rely on my own skill and person.
My parents are only slightly less vindictive in nature than Jovan, so I imagine they're working together. Perhaps Ches too, though I daresay his is at least tinged with concern for me as a person rather than simply being about rank and gold, since he did help me escape in the first place. He simply didn't know how fast and far I would run. Who knows, maybe I will see him again someday. I hope so, I'm still grateful to him…
In any case, Silvermoon certainly is no longer a comfortable home for me. A shame, because I still think of its beautiful spires and sumptuous decor fondly. Orgrimmar is so…warlike. Harsh and dirty. Funny sentiment from a trained warrior, but it's true. I get enough warfare in my day-to-day living and earning. I want comfort and luxury in my private surroundings. (And let's not even get started on Undercity.) Thunder Bluff is tolerable, but still rather primitive in feel. It's a pity Dalaran is rather pricy, and (understandably) biased in favor of the Kirin Tor members…otherwise it might be tolerable enough. Oh well. Perhaps I can procure my own small place in Orgrimmar and just have the inside of it be to my standards, while the outside properly reflects Orcish Horde ideals.
Maybe someday, when I feel comfortable enough to establish my own little residence. At the moment I'm still a bit nervous at the prospect of having such. Tents and bedrolls it will continue to be.
I am the only daughter of Lord Rhodri and Lady Vanosa Goldenstar of Quel'thalas, sister of the Blood Knight Chesric Goldenstar, and wife of Lord Jovan Redbrook, a Blood Knight like my brother. I was born in Silvermoon City, I was raised there, and I was married there.
I am, when all's said and done, not outstanding to see. I've never been plain, mind you, but I've always been of a rather conventional prettiness, if a touch closer to 'stocky' than 'slender'. My hair is nice, though, such a lovely pale gold that gets streaks of near-white when I've been out in the sun without a helm a lot (which does happen in places like Durotar). Almost a shame I have to keep it cut for the sake of combat; I can't bring myself to cut it mannishly short, so it remains shoulder-length, long enough to pull back and put under a helm, with neatly-trimmed fringe at my brow. I am a couple of inches shorter than women tend to be, among my people, and a bit wider in build. I have always excelled in physical activity like sports and combat. I have had but few romantic attachments, and I would not include my marriage in that as there was nothing romantic involved there. Jovan had higher social standing than my family; my family had more gold than he. It was an arrangement of economic and social convenience.
I suppose it was a bit of a blow to the ego for him when I left-- no, ran away. If I'm going to be truthful, I should call it like it is: I ran away from the marriage. It was highly unpleasant, and to an extent still is as I can no longer return to Silvermoon City without being on my guard every second I'm there. Even in other Horde capitals I must maintain a certain watchfulness, and I prefer to keep to places where I can somewhat trust those behind my back. (As amusing as goblins can be, I prefer to avoid their settlements for this reason.) I know that, in running, my darling husband lost a good deal of 'face' as some may say. My brother-- with whom I still keep in touch as I can-- has told me as much. Jovan has apparently tried to twist it about into my own failing, but there are few things the nobility loves more than delicious, malicious gossip about one of their own. It was no secret that he needed our money, just as whispers were made about my parents and their social climbing. Now there are whispers about him being a cuckold (as if any of those whispering were truly faithful to their spouses or betrothed), about being too weak to control his wife, all sorts of unpleasantries.
I imagine the implication of weakness would get to him more than anything; he loved-- loves, I should say, for creatures like Jovan do not die as they should-- power. He loves to control everything around him, which galled him as a Knight because I know he was middling at best, there. At the time his combat skills exceeded mine, as did his strength, but now I know he was absolutely mediocre, and any promotions he had were through nepotism and bribery. I suffered as a result of his feelings of impotence where Knighthood was concerned. I know if he were to face me in direct combat now I'd have his head rolling before he could draw two breaths, but he wouldn't do so, I know-- he would employ an assassin if he felt I were hunting him. Perhaps I should, but it might still endanger any future chance I have to live in Silvermoon City again. I hate that he still has that power.
Of all those things whispered, though, one thing he has yet to actually be is a cuckold-- I have better things to do with my time than pursue love or even lust, especially with the potential unpleasant entanglement-- but that's generally the easiest rumor to spread. Still. It was an unpleasant marriage, in various ways, and I certainly rankled under the sudden forbidding from continuing my combat training, which was the least of it. "A lady doesn't do such things." It's as if those like Lady Liadrin never existed-- or perhaps to some she's an anomaly, or an upstart granted her title only because of the Blood Knight order. I don't know; I don't rely on the Light to help me do my work, I rely on my own skill and person.
My parents are only slightly less vindictive in nature than Jovan, so I imagine they're working together. Perhaps Ches too, though I daresay his is at least tinged with concern for me as a person rather than simply being about rank and gold, since he did help me escape in the first place. He simply didn't know how fast and far I would run. Who knows, maybe I will see him again someday. I hope so, I'm still grateful to him…
In any case, Silvermoon certainly is no longer a comfortable home for me. A shame, because I still think of its beautiful spires and sumptuous decor fondly. Orgrimmar is so…warlike. Harsh and dirty. Funny sentiment from a trained warrior, but it's true. I get enough warfare in my day-to-day living and earning. I want comfort and luxury in my private surroundings. (And let's not even get started on Undercity.) Thunder Bluff is tolerable, but still rather primitive in feel. It's a pity Dalaran is rather pricy, and (understandably) biased in favor of the Kirin Tor members…otherwise it might be tolerable enough. Oh well. Perhaps I can procure my own small place in Orgrimmar and just have the inside of it be to my standards, while the outside properly reflects Orcish Horde ideals.
Maybe someday, when I feel comfortable enough to establish my own little residence. At the moment I'm still a bit nervous at the prospect of having such. Tents and bedrolls it will continue to be.
