Living vicariously through others
Jun. 22nd, 2011 12:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
museworksSometimes I think I'm a little jealous of Lohendrin. One wouldn't necessarily know it if one just met him-- because of his usual demeanor and such-- but he's seen a lot of combat. More than I have, and many more of the most recent threats. Though he has seen much more, period...he has the things to prove it. Trinkets and armor and things like Mim. Part of me wants to be there too, to see all of that, to feel I made a difference.
But I know not everyone can be at the front; who would be in the back, then, helping make sure those at the front could do their job? Would those who finally helped Fordring bring down the Lich King have been able to do so without the help of support troops who cleared out a lot of Icecrown Citadel, who were there with supplies and to battle any reinforcements that might have been called in? I know Lohen understands that too-- even if he's at the front, in his particular regiment he provides support. He's a healer, a medic; he makes sure others have the means to battle their enemies.
Every role is important, even down to the peons who help build towers, but sometimes...sometimes I wish I knew what it was like to be lauded as a hero. To have just a moment in the sun. But that's okay. As I said, not everyone can be at the front, and I'm practical enough to understand that those at the front wouldn't be there if not for the work of those at the back. Even those of us who tend to be seen as cannon fodder at times-- people like me who deal damage but are unable to do things like heal beyond basic bandaging, things like that-- have our part.
Maybe that's why I'm so devoted to my pursuit of Engineering, especially in my studies and experiments in regard to combining my engineering with my magecraft. Being a 'technomage' as some call it. I know it's not an area in which extensive research has been done, and maybe I want to feel a little special sometimes.
I couldn't tell Lohen any of this, though; I don't want him to feel bad because he thinks his stories of combat make me feel bad, when they don't. I love listening to them, even though I will admit what I really love listening to is just him. I like the far-off look in his eyes when he's telling me these tales; I like the little smile he gets when he speaks of Skruffy and Ruckus, the genuine fondness and respect when he speaks of working alongside Dura. The pride in his voice when he speaks of their victory in battle. I can tell they make him happy. I hope, when he speaks of me to them, they see a similar happiness in his demeanor. I want to believe I help make him happy, he deserves it.
But I know not everyone can be at the front; who would be in the back, then, helping make sure those at the front could do their job? Would those who finally helped Fordring bring down the Lich King have been able to do so without the help of support troops who cleared out a lot of Icecrown Citadel, who were there with supplies and to battle any reinforcements that might have been called in? I know Lohen understands that too-- even if he's at the front, in his particular regiment he provides support. He's a healer, a medic; he makes sure others have the means to battle their enemies.
Every role is important, even down to the peons who help build towers, but sometimes...sometimes I wish I knew what it was like to be lauded as a hero. To have just a moment in the sun. But that's okay. As I said, not everyone can be at the front, and I'm practical enough to understand that those at the front wouldn't be there if not for the work of those at the back. Even those of us who tend to be seen as cannon fodder at times-- people like me who deal damage but are unable to do things like heal beyond basic bandaging, things like that-- have our part.
Maybe that's why I'm so devoted to my pursuit of Engineering, especially in my studies and experiments in regard to combining my engineering with my magecraft. Being a 'technomage' as some call it. I know it's not an area in which extensive research has been done, and maybe I want to feel a little special sometimes.
I couldn't tell Lohen any of this, though; I don't want him to feel bad because he thinks his stories of combat make me feel bad, when they don't. I love listening to them, even though I will admit what I really love listening to is just him. I like the far-off look in his eyes when he's telling me these tales; I like the little smile he gets when he speaks of Skruffy and Ruckus, the genuine fondness and respect when he speaks of working alongside Dura. The pride in his voice when he speaks of their victory in battle. I can tell they make him happy. I hope, when he speaks of me to them, they see a similar happiness in his demeanor. I want to believe I help make him happy, he deserves it.
