museworks: (Alinor)
[personal profile] museworks
Why why WHY do I let her get under my skin like that. I grew up with her, I should know better. I know her, I started calling her "Mal" not because her name is Malinde but because she is malicious. But she somehow knows the exact thing to say to get to me, and she knows how to say it in the most perfectly defensible ways. She says it and Leania calls her on it but she pretends to have been only 'concerned'. At least she doesn't pretend to be concerned as a sister, just for the family name.

I still have a hard time ignoring what she says, and I usually fail at that. What might have been a nice dinner with my family was ended too soon because I couldn't handle it. Especially when I happened to see Lohendrin giving her a slight smile. Now I know what that was about, but at the time it hit the wrong note and just…I almost lost it.

I did lose it when we got home-- my home, anyhow. I didn't want Lohen to see me like that. I hate crying, and I especially hate crying in front of others; it was even worse in front of him, because he has a lot worse to worry about. He went through worse. I didn't really have the right to cry about just some words, but I couldn't help it.

I know I should be grateful that it was sheer dumb luck that put my family out at Sunstrider Isle when the Scourge attacked; I know I'm lucky to still have a family, when some have lost all they held dear. Lohen only has Marbas, and he's only known his twin for a short period of time. They don't really know where their father is. Other people lost everyone, but by the Sunwell, I wish my older sister did not exist, period. And I feel terrible for wishing that. But I do.

At least he was comforting.
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July 2011

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