Fret fret fret!

So, what I wrote before was pretty much negated. At least, part of it. This time Lohen did deliberately say "I love you," without it being indirect or hurried on his way out or some such. And I said it back.

I am still fretting, though, because while on one hand I know I mean it, on the other I'm worried that doing so somehow jinxed everything, and the next time he goes into combat with his guild will be his last. Or that I don't know what romantic love is and am mistaken, even if logically I know that is a silly notion on my part. I don't know!

I sometimes think my natural state of being is fretting. Oh well. I regret nothing!

Family reunion.

After various bits of irregular correspondence I saw Chesric last night. It feels like it's been longer than it really has. It was also slightly awkward. I don't know how to behave around my brother anymore. I know it's me, not him; at least he was kind enough to not wear his normal armor, that he wears as a paladin. He wore old practice armor, that would not look out of place in Orgrimmar or some such. I was caught slightly off-guard by that simple act of consideration, even if I know my reaction to paladins now is something I simply need to make myself get past.

The last time I saw Ches in person he had left me in the care of some of his Scryer acquaintances in Shattrath City, in Outlands. I know he didn't just abandon me, of course. He cared-- cares-- and did what seemed best. He'd taken a risk in helping me. I don't know if Jovan knows it was him.

But I saw Ches again and he looked normal. He asked how I was doing. I said okay. I told him about Alamir. He said he'd heard Alamir had met his end but hadn't known it was at my hand. Said it was no great loss.

"You look good, Lucy," he said, looking at me strangely. I don't know what was behind that look, but he used my childhood nickname. It made my chest tighten. "You look…more like the sister I know than I think you've ever looked."

I don't know what he meant. When he saw me last I was pale, unwell, physically and emotionally drained and scarred. Now I'm tanned, my hair is chopped shorter, I'm stronger, more capable...

Actually, I do think I know what he meant.

It feels so strange to smile.