Jun. 24th, 2011

museworks: (Jaylie)
(A letter, written in a spidery, uneven hand in contrast with the almost childlike script otherwise in the journal, is pasted to a page.)

Dearest Jaylie,

First, let me apologize. For everything.

I am sorry I never seemed to care in life; that you always were second, or third, or worse to everything else holding my attention. I am sorry that I used to believe I never wanted a daughter in the first place. I am sorry for mistreating you some of the few times you saw me, and for damaging the hope I knew you had that each visit might be different.

I am sorry for disappointing you; or perhaps myself. I know you accepted me as I am now, but I am sorry it could not have been as I was.

I am sorry it took dying, and the horrors afterward, for me to eventually realize one of the greatest losses I had. I know it was not entirely my own doing, but I am sorry for all I missed in your life, and for not caring about what I did see.

Most of all, I am sorry for what is another disappointment for you: for leaving you again. I do not want you to see what I truly am. I know you accepted me in my current state of being as a death knight. You accepted me despite how I had been in life, and the atrocities you knew I committed before being freed of the Lich King's hold. You did not ignore them, but you said it was in the past and that it was silly to believe one could change the past because what happened had happened, and even dragons cannot completely control that. You believe yourself to be simple and unintelligent, but perhaps you are wiser than you realize.

I do not want you to see what I am, as I said. I try to redirect this…compulsion…in my mind, that lingers despite being given free will once more, but even that is difficult. I want you to remember me from our all-too-brief time together after my death; I want you to remember the first time we truly fought side-by-side, and how you taught me to better wield my blade. Remember that-- you taught me, because you are an incredibly skilled and accomplished warrior. You spoke of wanting to be a Sentinel someday; to me you are better than they are, even, and I believe you deserve more from life than to spend your days guarding cities and towns. Remember the way you embraced me after I first told you of that compulsion, or at least the surface details of it. You gave me a hug, even though my very being surely chilled you to the bone physically, and told me you believed I could turn it to better use, that I could take a bad thing and make good things come of it.

Please remember me like that, and forgive me for leaving you. For being yet another one who vanishes from your life. None of it is your fault, and I hope you never believe it to be. You are my daughter, and I love you.

- Athiras


----

So hes gone too now. I dont understand why everyone leaves me. I wish I knew why and what I do to drive people away. Im lonely. Im afraid to find Mother because what if she leaves too?
museworks: (Lucrezia)
The Tauren was right. It helps to write this down and see my own words. It lets me examine what had happened, my life before I escaped, in a more detached way. I think she felt it would 'free' me. Maybe it does. But it also helps me organize my thoughts and plans.

He acted as if everything were normal. )

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